When last we spoke I regaled you with the tale of my having sex with a guy who was pretty good looking but mostly just amazing in bed.
We haven't had sex since, and he's been extremely awkward towards me. We never really talked that much. In fact I think the only conversation we had was when he dropped me off at another guy's apartment because that guy wanted to hook up with me. But now if we're forced to talk he'll carry on small talk for a few words then turn away. I'm not putting money on us sleeping together again though I would love to.
For a few weeks before that and up until last week I went through a period where I was just feeling really dejected all the time and would rather lay in bed than do anything really. I started drinking at occasions that I knew I shouldn't, was sleeping way more than 8 hours a day, sometimes even had to hold back tears, and at work I would just play with my phone all day. I have to say the big turnaround came for me when I realized I had to start going back to church. I have paintings with Bible verses on my walls and never wanted to bring guys back to my place because of it, then realized I couldn't keep carrying on a double life like that. Last Saturday I was feeling really low as I was getting ready to go out with some friends and was thinking about how difficult it was going to be to fake happy all night until I came to this conclusion and it was like instantly the cloud was lifted. Since then I've been feeling a lot better.
I decided to give up chasing boys for Lent; kind of relates to Awkward Boy. I realized he wasn't worth the stress I was feeling over him and decided that whether it's emotional or physical until after Easter I'm not putting any effort into getting a guy.
My friend who was planning the trip to London with me seems to have bailed, but in April I'll be going to San Diego for a convention so that will be my spring break. We're supposed to compete in stuff but I hope that we don't qualify so that I can just spend the whole time wandering around San Diego. Maybe I'll just never come back.
Tomorrow we're going on a retreat for my [co-ed] fraternity. Awkward Boy will be there. I'm hoping we'll get to hook up at least one last time. If I drink enough I'll probably violate my Lenten sacrifice but I hope I won't have to. I should probably start packing.
Oh yeah, it's Valentine's Day. I had an exam in one of my classes that I probably quite literally bombed, so tonight when we had a little social event for the frat I brought some wine and drank half the bottle to drown my sorrows but still be able to drive. Feeling a little better, but that'll probably wear off when I get the test back.